The redemption of Kate Price

Monday. I'm loading up the bike outside my seriously chintzy B and B in Bath as the Italian owner is describing the joys of cycling. "Youa canna smella da countrysida" (hands flapping noseward). This is true but not necessarily good news when you get a sizable waft of Eau de Horseshit with more than just a hint of Dead Badger. (Actually, I think that could significantly improve Kate Price's Ethical range). It's at that point, and here I speak with the voice of experience, that you regret lunching on a Cornish Pasty the size of a small garden shed. Anyway, he was right and was also a friendly and hospitable host in a beautiful city.

And .... I'm off! Straight up the hill from hell for 3km. It's a whoppa and 20 minutes later I have drunk half my water ration for the day. Not to worry though as it is pretty much the last hill of the day and the rest is fast and flat. I did suffer a bit after the hills yesterday and was in some discomfort between Pucklechurch and North Nibly but felt better in the Knobly Cobb at lunchtime. I think it might be unwise to Google that little lot.

Had a smidsy in Gloucester, close but survivable. By the way, a smidsy isn't a nice little cake or anything like that, it's a Sorry Mate I Didn't See You. The driver stuck perfectly to script and I suppressed the urge to say "It's OK. These brightly coloured, high visibility cycling shirts just sooooh blend in with the dank, grey buildings. Easily done, especially when you can't be arsed to look 'cos you're on the phone."

Finished the ride in the Centre of Worcester and am rehydrating in the pub. Oh OK, since you've asked (yes, you JP), tonight I smell of Sea Kelp by Gilchrist and Soames. I'm pretty sure that's the stuff that me and Dave Herrick shoved into Ashley Rix's sleeping bag when we were 12 and at Boy's Brigade camp in Margate. What a hoot! He squealed like a girl! If I'm right then there's hope for Kate Price's redemption yet with the Eau de Horseshit and Dead Badger. Just don't forget who had the idea Kate luv and steer clear of the pasties when you're dabbing it behind the ears.

Those ride stats in full:

Distance: 120.83 km
Cumulative distance: 499.3 km (so near yet so far)
Ride time: 5h 42m 0s
Max speed: 56.8 kph
Right arm: puce
Socks: lethal at 20 metres (ooh Kate luv, I've just had a thought.)